I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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