I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Damn victory sex feels great
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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