he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
