We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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