Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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