Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
