Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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