i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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