I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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