I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
