The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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