I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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