Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
