I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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