Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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