I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
