you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
