My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
