fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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