im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
