I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
