so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
