You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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