new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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