8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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