I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
