speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i now understand why vodka
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
