No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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