what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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