If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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