do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
