Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
