i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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