yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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