Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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