what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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