there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
