I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Congratulations! We have a period
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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