I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
