Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
