Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
