Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
