Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
