I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
