im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want to be your penis for a week.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
