I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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