Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
