Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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