So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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