I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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