It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
