i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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