I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
