the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
