The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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