There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
