Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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