I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
