Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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