I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
