arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
