Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
