Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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